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12 августа 15:08

12 августа 18:46

I’m posting because I’m genuinely trying to understand what happened in my marriage, especially from the perspective of autistic people or people who have been in relationships with autistic partners. I’m not looking for validation or for people to tell me I was right and he was wrong. I know I made mistakes too, and I’m sure he experienced many things differently than I did. My ex-husband is autistic (diagnosed with Asperger’s/ASD). We dated for about two years, most of it long distance, then got married and lived together in Japan for almost six months. We were married for almost a year. When we first met, we had very similar aspirations for our lives. We talked about marriage, our future, where we would live, traveling, our careers, and building a life together. He was also very willing to listen to me and make changes when we had problems. I would make changes too. For most of our relationship, especially while we were long distance or together outside Japan, I felt that we could communicate and compromise. He strongly encouraged me to move to Japan. I ultimately chose to do it, but there was a lot of pressure and encouragement from him because we believed we were building our future there. I left my life behind and moved to Japan because I believed in the future we had planned together. His family, particularly his mother, also became quite involved in our relationship and decisions about our life. She could be supportive, but there were also situations where I felt that her involvement made it harder for us to have space as a couple. One situation that really stayed with me happened when we were discussing whether we should actually divorce or try to save the marriage. I wanted to have a private conversation with him about something extremely important and emotional. His mother did not even want to allow us to be alone together to have that conversation. That was very difficult for me because I felt that decisions about our marriage were no longer something that belonged just between the two of us. I don't know how much influence his family ultimately had on his decisions, and I don't want to blame them for the end of our marriage. But their involvement is something I can't ignore when trying to understand the dynamic. The biggest change for me happened after we actually moved in together. Suddenly, everything we had talked about became real everyday life: careers, finances, family, where we would live, Japan versus other countries, and how we would actually build our future. I started feeling that he became much less flexible about things he had previously been willing to discuss. He became increasingly firm about staying in Japan and following the life he had planned, while I felt that my own plans and sacrifices were becoming less important. At the same time, I was struggling with living in Japan. I was away from my support system, dealing with the language barrier and work, and trying to establish myself in a country that was very unfamiliar to me. I know I became more emotionally distressed and dependent on the relationship, and I'm sure that also put pressure on him. Eventually, our communication changed. The person who had previously been willing to listen and work through problems with me seemed increasingly withdrawn and unwilling to engage. I wanted us to try therapy or outside help, but he wasn't really willing to do that. Then we separated and divorced. What has been particularly difficult for me to understand is what happened immediately afterward. Within about a week of the divorce, he started seeing a bunch of different girls, and all of them are foreigners, not even Japanese which caught me off guard as well. Around the same period, he also created what appeared to be an alter ego/alternate online identity for himself where he even changed his name. Seeing him seemingly create a new version of himself and immediately begin dating someone else was extremely confusing and painful for me, especially because I was still trying to understand what had happened to our marriage. I don't know what those things mean psychologically, and I don't want to assume they're related to autism. I'm specifically curious whether autistic people might have an explanation for this kind of behavior—or whether people think it has nothing to do with ASD. - Could someone with ASD emotionally process the end of a relationship long before the actual separation, so that when the relationship finally ends they seem to move on extremely quickly? - Could creating an alternate identity be a way of separating oneself from a difficult period or starting over, or is that something that shouldn't be interpreted through an autism lens? - And could the transition from long-distance dating to actually living together create a level of pressure and overwhelm that changes someone's ability to communicate, compromise, or tolerate uncertainty? - I'm also wondering about the family dynamic. How much can family involvement affect an autistic adult's relationship, particularly when the family is very involved in major decisions? Is it possible for someone to become more dependent on their family's perspective when they're overwhelmed by relationship conflict? Again, I'm not asking anyone to tell me that my ex-husband was a bad person. I loved him, and I also know I wasn't a perfect partner. There were things I could have handled differently, and I'm sure he had his own experience of feeling hurt, pressured, or misunderstood. I'm trying to understand why someone who was initially so compatible with me, who wanted many of the same things, who was willing to communicate and compromise for years, and who strongly encouraged me to move to Japan with him could eventually become so different once we were actually living together. I'd especially appreciate honest answers from autistic people themselves, even if the answer is that none of this sounds particularly related to ASD. submitted by /u/falloutbats to r/AutisticPeeps [link] [comments]

12 августа 17:09

12 августа 13:45

США, Westfield; США, Уэстфилд

8 августа 19:44

10 августа 13:06

Санкт-Петербург

12 августа 16:52

Россия, Северный

10 августа 17:10

Россия, Москва; Россия, Мошково; Россия, Могоча

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